DAY 26 – Between You and Me

26 Elul 5769

Just Between You and Me

The SHOFAR IS BLOWING ~ Matthew 5:23-24 (The Message Bible) | “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

It really pains my heart to see people step over one another under the guise of making peace with  G-d.  Possibly just possibly – the peace we are seeking is in the hard work of reconciliation we are avoiding. 

Don’t be afraid.  Do the hard work.  Maybe we need to take the roadless traveled and meet up with someone on their rocky road of dealing with us.    Not everyone will reciprocate the effort.  No worries – if we have done all we can to make things right (Matthew 18:15-17). 

Matthew 5:9 | Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Enjoy the song

Sorrow is a lonely feeling
Unsettled is a painful place
I’ve lived with both for far too long now
Since we’ve parted ways

I’ve been wrestling with my conscience
And I found myself to blame
If there’s to be any resolution
I’ve got to peel my pride away

(chorus)
Just between you and me
I’ve got something’ to say
Wanna get it straight
Before the sun goes down

Just between you and me
Confession needs to be made
Recompense is my way to freedom now
Just between you and me
I’ve got something to say

Confession is the road to healing
Forgiveness is the promised land
I’m reaching out in my conviction
I’m longing to make amends

So, I’m sorry for the words I’ve spoken
For I’ve betrayed a friend
We’ve got a love that’s worth preserving
And a bond I will defend

(repeat chorus)

In my pursuit of God, I thirst for holiness
As I approach the Son, I must consider this
Offenses unresolved, they’ll keep me from the throne
Before I go to Him my wrong must be atoned

If there’s to be any resolution
I’ve got to peel this pride away

Just between you and me
I’ve got something’ to say
Wanna get it straight
Before the sun goes down

Just between you and me
Confession needs to be made
Recompense is my way to freedom
It’s my way to freedom

It’s my way to freedom (2x)
I’ve got something to say, so let me say it today
It’s my way to freedom (2x)
I’ve got something to say, confession needs to be made
It’s my way to freedom (2x)
I’ve got something to say, confession needs to be made
It’s my way to freedom (2x)
I’ve got something to say…

Day 25 – What Part of Go Take Care of It, Don’t You Understand?

25 Elul 5769

“What Part of Go Take Care of It, Don’t You Understand?”  Part 2

“Unsaid words never die; they just come back in uglier ways to hurt us.”  Stephen Covey, Living the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

As we moved into early fall, our conversations began to thaw but not before, we had a short verbal sparring that surprised me.  Fortunately, my husband who was in the other room heard our exchange and was able to offer some objectivity to the situation after she left. 

 I began by saying, “Did you hear that?”  Her response surprised me but Mike’s answer offended me.  I could not believe what I was hearing.   My husband of just shy of five years, was telling me that (based on the conversation he had heard from the other room), I may be the reason why my BFF had responded to me negatively and abruptly ended the conversation. 

He went on to say, “I know what you were trying to say but the way you were saying it, seemed to dismiss her idea – like yours was more important.

 I came into the living room, looking for support (not feedback).  What I got instead was – an unbiased, objective perspective AND IT WAS MOST UNWELCOMED – on my part.  (No, he di’int just take her side!)

The little weeds of offenses that were planted in my heart during the summer of silence had sprouted into fiery bitter darts.   Oh, I was mad and fully offended.   (Who died and made him almighty communicator?)  Mike says that he still remembers the look I gave him. As, he should… 

I fumed for hours but had to concede that my husband loved me and meant me no harm.  And the BFF – well… we considered her a beloved member of the family.  So now what do I do?

In my heart, I kept hearing “What part of go take care of it, don’t you understand?”  I had to go make things right on my end.  It was my turn to apologize for hurting her. Not my intention but that was her experience and I was truly sorry. 

Shortly after we did meet and talk things out.   What was obvious to her – “something she felt I should have known” unfortunately was not obvious to me.  It took a chance discussion on the back porch to bring in plain view the dynamics of our communication styles.

Do you hear the shofar sounding… ”What part of go take care of it – don’t you understand?” 

We can’t assume people know, that they are hurting us.  Nor can we assume people KNOW how to tell us that they are hurting because of something we said or did.  It works both ways. 

Whoever is at the altar (hopefully it’s both of us) and remembers or has some inkling that something may be amiss – leave your gift (G-d will still be there) and go be reconciled with your friend or loved one.  It may be a rough road ahead.  You may have to come to terms with some things about yourself that’s OBVIOUS to others but a blind spot for you. 

Hashem is serious about relationships and expects us to treat one another with respect and dignity .   We are HIS children and as such, His Ambassadors.  What message are we sending, when we do not respond in the way that G-d has ordained? 

Matthew 5:23-24 (The Message Bible) | ^23-24“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

Day 24 – What Part of Go Take Care of It, Don’t You Understand?

24 Elul 5769

”What Part of Go Take Care of It – Don’t You Understand?” Part 1

One Memorial Day weekend many years ago, my BFF (best friend forever) unplugged “without warning”, and decided not to communicate with me. She would not answer or return my calls. As a result, I had no clue regarding what I had done to warrant such treatment. I prayed continuously about the situation and asked the Lord to show me what I did wrong and how to make it right.

I began reading Matthew 5:23-24 | Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

This scripture was challenging for me NOT because I didn’t want to make things right but because I would gladly make things right, if I had the chance.   I would gladly leave my gift at the altar – figuratively speaking I wasn’t even standing at the altar – I was outside the place of worship, waiting to speak with her but she refused to have anything to do with me.

We had never had a cross word or a vicious disagreement. So I was left with the mystery of figuring it out. But that was driving me crazy. I finally stopped trying to defend myself in the courtroom of my mind and concluded that I was innocent until my BFF revealed the charges against me. I mourned the loss of a friend through the summer. As the summer came to end, my BFF began coming around but nothing was ever mentioned of the summer silence.

 Although, I was glad to see her, it was obvious things had changed between us. The conversations were short, safe and shallow. The deep hearty shared laughter of the past was no more to be found in our company. We were cautious and I was jaded. I didn’t want to bring up anything that would trigger the door on our friendship closing forever but it was also tiresome not knowing how all this began in the first place.

I was still challenged by the scripture in Matthew and kept hearing in my heart – you need to talk to her. “What part of go take care of it, don’t you understand?” 

My response, I will… tomorrow.  ( I didn’t really mean tomorrow just some time in the future).

(To be continued)

DAY 23 – “Saving Face”

23 ELUL 5769

~SAVING FACE~ 

OK – I am “fessin up” about confessing my faults.  In truth, this is the most difficult step in the Teshuvah (Repentance) process for me.  I’m ok with stopping, and regretting but if I have to say what I did – Urgh! my stomach goes into knots.  And let me be the first to say – it is easy to “fess up” to G-d but if I have to fess up to others about a sin, attitude, behavior - the process begins to slow way………….. down. 

It seems as humans – this is a rough road that many of us avoid.  From “one heart that tries to hide” to the next – don’t be afraid.  Let’s take a lesson from Jacob as he struggled with the Man the night before his meeting with Esau.  What was Esau’s response to reuniting with his brother that cheated him out of his birthright – nearly two decades before?  

Genesis 32:6-7 | Then the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and he also is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.” So Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; and he divided the people that were with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two companies. ⁸ And he said, “If Esau comes to the one company and attacks it, then the other company which is left will escape.”

He brought “FOUR HUNDRED MEN with him?!!!….”  Obviously Esau had NOT forgotten what Jacob had done.   Reconciling with Esau was not going to be easy. 

This was not a time to save face and try to offer up some reason for his actions.   Jacob needed the wisdom of the L-rd to deal with a situation “he had created” (none of this “G-d knows my heart stuff”).  The only resolution for this situation was a face to face encounter with G-d and…….. himself.   Jacob needed a miracle – a miracle within.

²⁴ Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. ²⁵ Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. ²⁶ And He said, “Let Me go, for the day breaks.” But he said, “I will not let You go unless You bless me!” ²⁷ So He said to him, “What is your name?” He said, “Jacob.” ²⁸ And He said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed.”

The miracle was not Esau sending his army away.  The miracle was not Esau sending a message to Jacob saying, “I love you man, come on home. I forgive you.”   Jacob’s miracle was NOT a change in ESAU.  The miracle was a change in himself.

 The struggle that we have is NOT with other people.  If we try to save face and rewrite the truth about our actions, our behavior or attitudes, we will not prevail.   (It’s not like the delusion of Las Vegas, where “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”)  What happens in the heart is known (by G-d and ourselves).   We can not escape from the truth that questions our excuses, intentions, and motives.  We can’t “Save Face” in the heart.

When we need to repent, confess (say “I am sorry”) and make things right – coming face to face with the living G-d is the answer for the struggle of the soul. 

The clarion is sounding….  Until we deal with the fact that we also contribute to the pain in our world, we will not be in position to stop the hurt.   Rather than “saving face” and  fighting those around us, let us wrestle with the person within and cling to G-d until he changes our name.  Perhaps, we too – will be blessed to see Him face to face and live!

Genesis 32:30 |  ³⁰ So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: “For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.”

Day 22 – “Dirty Confessions with Pure Intentions”

22 Elul 5769

~Dirty Confessions with Pure Intentions~

 

Many summers ago, my sister and I were enjoying a vacation with our grandparents deep in the heart of Texas.   Although, we had to heat our water and the modern conveniences of suburbia were far from us, we enjoyed the carefree country life.   Walking along the dirt roads to visit distant neighbors, talking to the horses and catching fireflies, filled our day. 

One day we went to visit some kinfolk down the road from Madear, Grandma’s mother.  On the way back, I asked Granny if I could drive.  It was just a short distance straight up the road and I figured I wouldn’t hurt anything.  My six year old sister, Elonda chimed in from the back seat.  “Grandma, Karen can drive.  Let Karen drive.”   Madear did not say a word as Grandma contemplated whether or not she would give her eleven year old granddaughter control of the wheel.  With me begging in the front seat and Elonda, cheering me on from the backseat, Granny stopped the car and we exchanged places. 

It was exciting.  I held onto the steering wheel with steady hands and tried to mimic everything I had seen the grownups do.  I eased off of the brake and gently pressed on the gas.  The four door carriage obeyed my command and escorted the four of us home without incident until… I hit a dip in the road.  I pressed my foot on the gas pedal, but the wheels just spinned – making the ditch deeper.

Grandma tried to coach me out of the ditch from the passenger seat, but by this time emotional opposition had arisen from the rear.  My most vocal supporter had retracted her vote of confidence.  Her enthusiastic support in the beginning was no match for the tear stained pleas she was now making.  “Grandma, Karen can’t drive.  Make her stop, Grandma.  She can’t drive.”  Finally, even Madear, asked Grandma to take the control once again. 

The memory still causes me to laugh as I reflect on my sister’s purest intention of endorsement morphing into a confession of opposition as the dirt flew out from under the car.  And in truth, the story from her point of view,  is even more hysterical (i.e her life flashing before her eyes, etc.).  There is much more drama, indeed!

The experience, however reminds me of conversations / relationships that go awry.  In the beginning, we are cheerful and optimistic.  As we encounter rough roads, the conversations become more difficult.      Like driving on gravel, the offenses layer our interactions and the ride becomes more precarious.  Invariably as life happens, we end up in a ditch and dirty confessions are released as fear and anger infuses the atmosphere.  “You never…”  “You always…” “You should have known… “

Misunderstandings, hurts, and disappointments tinged with bitter root fill the air, where once the purest of intentions fragrantly bloomed. This season calls for us to: stop spinning the dirty confessions of our fears, “get out of the ditch” and take responsibility for our own responses to the experiences of life. 

Take the time to get back to your purest of intentions no matter how muddy the waters are or how eroded the roads have become.  If we focus on our purest of intentions for an individual(s) or for a situation, those intentions that serve the purpose of G-d, we will find ourselves co-partnering with our Creator to restore and/or uncover the original beauty and potential of those lives, we touch.

James 3:17-18 (The Message Bible) | Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

DAY 21 – “Fess Up” and Come Clean

21 ELUL 5769

STEP THREE:  Confess Your Sin

James 5:16 | Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

DAY 20 – A Dose of Healthy Regret

20 ELUL 5769

STEP TWO:  REGRET YOUR SIN

I was visiting the deep heart of Texas one summer with my sister and our grandparents.  As my sister and I were walking up the dirt road that led back to madear’s home we came across a colony of red ants.  The ants had created a hole in the dirt and the dirt pile encamped around the hole.  My eleven year old mind thought it would be fun to kick the dirt and scatter it across the road.

Regret filled my heart when I saw the ants move quickly to rebuild what I had torn down.  What had taken me less than five seconds to destroy would take the ants hours upon hours to rebuild.  I was so convicted, I began moving the sandy granules of dirt back to the original location.  I regretted what I had done and I have never forgotten that feeling of remorse.  To this day, I remind my children not to disrupt or destroy bug life unnecessarily.

Regret is healthy if it leads us to change our behavior.  It can be debilitating if there is no hope for change and redemption.  Healthy regret is good for the soul; it is the portal to rebuilding what we purposely or thoughtlessly destroyed.

We all need a good dose of healthy regret.  It will keep us honest about our imperfections and provide the much needed motivation to change those bitter, toxic rough roads within.

James 4:9-10 (NLT)  | ⁹ Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

DAY 19 – What’s the Exit Strategy?

19 ELUL 5769

“What’s the Exit Strategy?”

STEP ONE:  STOP THE SIN ( ….)

The first step in the Teshuvah process is stopping the sin, the behavior that is separating us from Hashem.    BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. 

What is the exit strategy out of stubborn habits, stinking thinking and seductive temptations?    I have noticed that whenever I am feeling stuck (in a sin, habit or negative thought), more often than not I do not have an exit strategy that addresses every part of me – spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially.   I need a plan – if I want to experience freedom.   It is not enough to know I need to change.  What specific steps do I need to take to separate myself from this “thing?”

What’s the Plan? It reminds me of the song by Paul Simon, (There must be) 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover. 

Consider how the words may apply to your experience with STOPPING. 

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover (habit)
Fifty ways to leave your lover (sin)

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free

GET YOURSELF FREE

GET YOURSELF FREE

I Corinthians 10: 13  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

BOTTOMLINE:  GET YOURSELF FREE – BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

Day 18 – “Keep Me From Lying To Myself…”

18 Elul

“Keep Me From Lying To Myself…”

During this season of Elul (the month leading up to the High Holy Days on the Hebrew calendar), we are encouraged to take inventory of ourselves.  We need to deal aggressively with those things that we have allowed to separate us from Hashem (G-d).  How do we do this?

Several years ago, my husband and I hit a rough road in our marriage.  I allowed offenses – things I didn’t think he was doing right – to grow into what the Bible calls a bitter root.

Hebrews 13:15 - Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

I was angry and didn’t know it.  Slowly the bitter root began to poison my thinking and attitude.  I came to the conclusion that “I did not want to be married.”  I felt G-d had let me down and the only way to salvage the rest of my life was to be free of all that I felt was “holding” me back.

Yep, folks – I drank deeply from the cup of the bitter root and became filled with “me.”   What was once small shots of  (My needs, my desires, my hurts….)  had now become huge wine goblets filled with “the way life should be.”   And it did not have my husband in it.

Yes, I was inebriated but  never fully out of my mind. I had learned through one of the classes my husband was teaching on renewing the mind, that there was an exercise I could do to help me count the cost of my thinking.    (He did not know at the time that I was in a battle for my soul).

DEALING AGGRESSIVELY WITH OURSELVES

Counting the Cost of Our Behaviors, Sins and/or Attitudes

First – Consider what this attitude, behavior or sin has already cost  me:  spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, and professionally.

Second – Write down in very vivid detail, what it would cost me if I did not change.   Who would I hurt because I was not willing to step outside of my ”perceived” needs and walk in love.   How would my relationship with my young daughter be impacted?  How much pain would this cause her?  Five years from now  – ten years from now?   What living legacy was I bequeathing to her regarding G-d, family, relationships and accepting personal responsibility for her decisions?

I wrote it down. It was very specific, the emotions were very detailed.  The images were very vivid.  The sense of loss loomed large and became overwhelming as I imagined life without G-d,  and my family.   I saw others suffering because of my focus on my needs, wants and desires.  I saw myself hurting my friend, confidant and greatest supporter.

I DID NOT LIKE WHAT I WAS SEEING…

But the movie would not stop playing and it would not allow me to lie to myself about the potential effects of my decisions!

Like “smelling salts” each vignette slowly but surely countered the inebriating effects of the bitter root until I was left standing face to face with myself.  Undeniably the one who needed to change was me.  There were some bitter roots I needed to release and raw truth I needed to embrace.  It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t easy but to remain the same was simply unacceptable.

On September 24th, we will celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary.   (Taking individual responsibility for our own emotions, thoughts, and actions is the hallmark of our marriage).

My constant prayer today as I aggressively confront those bitter roots along the rough roads of life  is a scripture that gripped my soul during that critical season in my life.

Psalm 119:29 (NLT) | Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions.

Day 17 – “Coming To Our Senses”

17 ELUL 5769

“Coming To Our Senses:  G-d Loves Us, He Really Loves Us”

In the gospels, Jesus told a parable about the prodigal son.  If you follow the story closely, you will see as the  son walking through the process of Teshuvah. What is Teshuvah?  Repentance – turning.   What did the “lost son” do?  What steps did he take to return to his father?   First of all, he came to his senses.

¹⁷“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ ²⁰So he got up and went to his father.   (Luke 15:17-20)

When he came to his senses?  What does this mean?  What did he come to his senses about?  The Character of His Father.  (Even his father’s servants had more than enough – they were being treated better than he was.)    What made his teshuvah – repentance possible?  It was “coming to his senses” about his father’s character.

How do we “come to our senses“  and return?   By first reflecting on the compassion and true character of our Heavenly Father. ”He Loves Us, He Really Loves Us.” It is about TRUST – that G-d truly has our best interest at heart.

As Professor Brad Young says ” the Parable of the Prodigal Son” would be better titled “The Parable of the Compassionate Father.”

The father’s response to the son, totally surpassed what the son had rehearsed.

20″But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

²¹“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.^[a]‘

²²“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Are you struggling with a sin, behavior or attitude that has separated you from G-d, from your family, from your true-self?  It takes trust to return.  Do you trust the character of your Heavenly Father?  Do I trust the character of my heavenly Father to walk me through the process of Teshuvah – to be with me every step of the way.  According to the parable, I can.

How about you? Are you ready for your journey home?

1. Stop the behavior (sin, attitude)
2. Regret the sin
3. Confess the sin
4. Resolve never to do it again

Trust that your Heavenly Father will be there to greet you every step of the way.